


The Doors

by doompatrol7



Category: Deltarune (Video Game)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2019-08-24 20:07:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16646900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doompatrol7/pseuds/doompatrol7
Summary: All that they did on the adventure in the Dark World wasn't them, it was something else controlling their every move. Kris tries to make sense of whatever the hell is going on.





	1. One

The SOUL was ripped out, slammed into a cage and locked behind bars. Finally. They couldn’t stand it anymore. Having that in them was torture, Hell on Earth. But now that this was done, Kris didn’t know what to do. That was supposed to be _them_ , the culmination of their being. Was prolonged survival without it even possible? And yet, it was because of their SOUL that they suffered, dragged around like a marionette on strings.  
  
It just happened this morning. They woke up late, as they always did. But once their feet hit the floor, they were no longer them. They moved, but not in the way they wanted to. They talked to people, even though they didn’t want to. They kept performing actions that they normally would never do, as they were constantly reminded by everyone. They went on an epic adventure in another world, made friends for once in their life, and yet Kris couldn’t say it was them that did it. The most amazing, successful moments of their life so far and yet it wasn’t even them. No matter how much they screamed, how much they cried for help, there was nothing to be done. A prisoner within their own body, a complete nightmare with little respite.  
  
As Kris stood at the center of their bedroom in a daze, they pulled out a knife. Why did they do that? Perhaps to protect from more invasions of their being. Perhaps to do something defiant. As the blade glinted in the moonlight filtering through the window, they tilted their head and gave a threatening glare into the ceiling, to whatever was watching. And, deep down, they knew something was watching. The SOUL within the cage moved a little.  
  
They approached the cage. Each step without a SOUL felt a little more labored, required more force. They felt breathless. And yet, they felt good. The SOUL’s movement sped up, hitting the sides of the cage but otherwise unable to do anything. They thought of Asriel’s pet bird who used to occupy it, a parrot. It always said the words _freak freak freak_ because it was a rescue that came from an abusive home. Kris hated that bird. Once it died, they took the cage and liked to beat it with sticks and rocks for fun. This disturbed Toriel and Asriel and Asgore, but it was fun. The cage was resilient, battered but strong from years of abuse. Nothing could escape. The SOUL continued in its failure.  
  
“…So, now you know what it feels like, bastard,” Kris said, hissing every word. They aimed the knife at it. “ _Leave and never come back._ ”  
  
With that, the SOUL stopped. However, they were not so certain it was gone. They didn’t think it would ever stay gone. Shaking their head, they decided to take a walk. It was the middle of the night; what time it was they did not know. But it didn’t matter, they needed fresh air in their lungs. They needed to breathe and be free, at least for this little while. Shuffling along, they snuck through the halls of their home into the crisp outdoor air. With the way they were walking they looked like a zombie, shakily, one leg in front of the other, rinse and repeat. Part of them hoped no one would see them, but another invited it. Come one, come all! Another curiosity, brought to you by Kris the Freak. Not Kris the Mute, or Kris the Vampire, but Kris the Zombie Kid.  
  
There was no one, though. The streets were bare as Kris stumbled along. It was then Kris noticed they still had the knife clutched in their hand, hard. Their knuckles were white, their palms were sweaty, and every attempt to move their fingers failed. It was an iron grip. If anyone saw them it would be even worse. This wasn’t Kris the Zombie Kid, this was Kris the Serial Killer. But they realized the knife gave them comfort, a sense of safety. It would be their sword on a new, epic adventure, an adventure to save their SOUL. They wanted to laugh aloud. They concluded that was an adventure they couldn’t possibly complete.  
  
They knew where they should go for their little adventure, they were there once before. When they were not in control, their possessor couldn’t do a single thing at this place no matter how much it tried. That lack of gratification gave them a spark of happiness in a dark time. Slowly, they made their way to the strange metal Doors at the edge of town. As they got closer, the buildings turned to trees, and the darkness grew ever darker.  
  
It took a while, how long was impossible to know, but they made it. A mound in the grass stood in the middle of a clearing, the metal Doors on it covered in moss and vines, like the web of a spider waiting to entrap whoever dared to disturb it. Kris didn’t know if human or monster hands had ever touched these Doors, no one had ever acknowledged the Doors’ existence in their presence. Raising their free hand, they brushed against the jagged rust and ripped off a vine. Take that, spider. Brandishing the knife, they began idly hacking at the rest. The place gave off an aura, one they had felt only once before. It was then they remembered.  
  
What Jevil said during their numbers game was starting to make too much sense. Something was spinning the world around, making a game of it all. But why, oh why did they have to be involved? To be controlled? They tasted it, smelt it, felt it in that room. Something beyond the world they inhabited. A genuine freedom. Indeed, there was a prison around the whole world, they were just bearing the worst of it. Jevil appeared insane, but maybe he was the luckiest, most knowledgeable person they had met. A true freak.  
  
They kept slashing. Most of the vines were gone when something unexpected happened.  
  
“…Kris?”  
  
They jumped and turned around, raising the knife. Their jaw hit the ground.  
  
“S-Susie?! What are you doing here…?”  
  
Their new friend walked out of the shadows of the forest, a lit cigarette dangling from her reptilian snout and providing the only source of light. Her eyes flashed to the now lowered knife, but her expression did not change. “I always sneak out to smoke at night. You?”  
  
“I-I-“ They realized this was the first time they had to talk to her as their real self. They began to shake. “I don’t kn-know…”  
  
“Whoa, are you good?” She actually looked concerned. For them. “You’re covered in sweat, dude. Not to mention the you-know-what.”  
  
“I-“ Come on, you fucking pussy. You freak. Act like a normal fucking human being for once. “I’m f-fine…”  
  
“Don’t look it. C’mere, I’ll take you to my spot.” At that, Susie grabbed their free hand with surprising tenderness and led them into the shadowy brush of the forest. It wasn’t very far, just a log sitting in the middle of the trees. “Sit down and calm yourself.”  
  
They shakily did as they were told. Relief shot through their weak legs once the pressure on them was lessened. “Thank you…”  
  
“Don’t thank me, it’s just a damn log,” she said, exhaling cigarette smoke. “Now, can you tell me what’s up? And don’t say something stupid like ‘don’t know!’ or ‘nothing!’ because it’s obvious something is up.”  
  
Kris didn’t know what to say. How could they hope to explain their situation?  
  
“I… I decided to take a walk.”  
  
She raised an eyebrow. “You decided to walk around with a knife?”  
  
“Yeah… to cut off those vines.” They knew that wasn’t the reason, but what other reason could they give? Even they did not know.  
  
“On those weird Doors? Jeez, you’re just making me more confused, man…” She sat next to them, the resulting force causing their side of the log to briefly jolt into the air. With her significantly larger form so close, they began to feel even more intimidated. “Can’t you give it to me straight?”  
  
“…You’re gonna think I’m insane.”  
  
Susie’s laugh was smoky, deep and raspy. “ _Me_ think _you_ are insane? I’d expect it to be the other way around most of the time.”  
  
Obviously, Susie never knew them as a child. Still, maybe they could just tell it straight and see what happened. If they lost a friend due to accusations of insanity, well, life would be back to normal. Looking around as if something was watching, and maybe there was, they took a deep breath. “Something is… something is _controlling_ me, Susie. It happened the whole day… It made me walk, talk, do anything it wanted. I was trapped. It’s gone now, but I know it’ll come back… I d-don’t know what to do… _I don’t know what else to do!_ ” They didn’t cry, because it was impossible to really cry without a SOUL, but they did put their sweat-covered face in their hands.  
  
Susie’s cigarette fell into the grass. “…What?”  
  
“Yeah, I know it’s crazy…” they mumbled into the hands, avoiding her gaze.  
  
“No, no. I believe you.”  
  
Their head shot up in shock. “…You do?”  
  
She was looking right at them, eyes serious and intense. “Yeah. I was with you most of today, I saw how you were acting. I figured you were just being your normal, weird self, but as I see you now, I can tell the difference. A different kind of weird.”  
  
Ha. Good one. “You’re not surprised, or weirded out?”  
  
It was her turn to put her face in her hands. “Both. I am totally freaking the fuck out on the inside right now! ...Tell me, Kris. Was it… Was it all a lie?”  
  
They looked at their shaking hands, one still gripping the knife. The vibrations coursed through their body. Was it a lie? None of the actions that earned them friends were their own. But Kris felt like they grew to like their new friends on their own. They remembered when they saved Susie’s life, shielded her. It was a natural response, a knee-jerk reaction. That… that was them, wasn’t it? “No,” they resolved. “No. I didn’t do very much myself, but what we felt was no lie. The… friendship. That, at least, feels real.”  
  
“Good.” She sighed, and her face hardened. “I probably woulda done this anyway, but… you can count on me.”  
  
“For what?”  
  
“To help you deal with whatever the hell is going on, dumbass.”  
  
Kris couldn’t believe it, they never expected this to happen in a million years, a billion years. Regardless, they didn’t want to complain.  
  
“Thank you... Really.”  
  
“No worries. I’m… kinda, um, new to this ‘friend’ thing, but... I think I can get the hang of it.”  
  
“That makes two of us.” They stood up on shaking legs. “I… need to open that door.”  
  
Susie stood as well. “I don’t think that’s possible. I tried it, once. It didn’t budge. What’s so interesting about it anyway?”  
  
“Can’t you feel it? There is something to those Doors, something… I don’t know what it is. But it’s there.”  
  
“Well… if you think that way, then I’ll try again.”  
  
The period sitting on the log should’ve made them feel a little better, a little more rested, but instead they felt even worse. They shuddered whenever a breeze touched their clammy skin, and every step felt like a battle against gravity. They stumbled, they fell. Susie gripped them by the back of their collar, raised them up, and put one of their arms around her shoulders.  
  
“Shit, man, what did that… whatever it is do to you?”  
  
“I… ripped my SOUL out… put it… in a cage… May be why…” They forced out every word.  
  
She growled. “The hell?! Isn’t that, like, _lethal?!_ ” Susie asked. Leaning on her shoulder, they could feel her tense up.  
  
“Had… to…”  
  
“If you fucking die on me, I’ll revive you just so I can kill you again,” she said, flashing a dark smirk. Heh, their kind of humor. They really were lucky to have her as a friend.  
  
The two of them were at the Doors again. The ivy they cut off was strewn around its base, a broken web. If they didn’t act fast, the all-powerful spider would weave more soon enough. Susie grabbed one of rusty handles and began to pull with all her strength. Kris did the same with the other, though with much less force. The Doors didn’t budge. Pulling back their hand, they observed the red rust stains that covered it, trailing up and down their fingers, across their palm, broken only by creases. It looked like dried blood, as if to warn them they were committing some sort of sin. Doing something wrong. They shrugged and tried again.  
  
“Damn!” Susie exclaimed after another failure. She kicked it hard, barely causing a vibration. She hissed in pain as she clutched her foot.  
  
Kris leaned against the Doors for support, their legs losing more energy. “We need… another method…” In desperation, they began to stab the Doors with the knife, leaving behind faint scratch marks.  
  
As if in reaction, Kris felt a shoot of pain and collapsed, gasping heavily as they finally let go of the knife. They watched in horror as their sword fell to the grass, no longer with them, no longer in their hand. But they couldn’t worry about it for long. It was like their energy was being sapped to nothing, leaking from their body. Their seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling, it was all becoming less defined. They were fading away. They could barely hear Susie as she began to panic.  
  
“Kris!” she yelled. Picking them up in her arms, she began to run as fast as she could. Kris was going in and out of consciousness as they looked past Susie’s determined countenance to the night sky. A few stars were visible and the moon was full. No matter how much Susie moved, it did not change. Every blink was like a gamble between life and death, but even with their eyes closed they could still see the sky and it did not change. This sky was the cell walls surrounding the prison that was the world. Little white pinpricks and a large white disk, little peepholes for observation and a portal to freedom. A portal to whatever, or whoever, is spinning the world around. Perhaps if they died, they would start flying, flying up and up until they reached the moon and passed through the portal. There, they would see the one controlling them and the world, see the all-powerful spider spinning their webs, see everyone and everything who ever died, like that stupid parrot. As punishment for going against the natural order and trying to breach the Doors, they would be placed in a web and forced to listen to the bird say _freak freak freak_ for eternity. A fitting end. They realized that bird was the only thing remotely meaningful to their life that died. They could die before everyone they ever loved did, and they couldn’t decide whether that was a good thing or a bad thing, so they decided it was a Neutral Thing and became at peace for once. At least they wouldn’t be controlled anymore.  
  
Suddenly, the sky went away. Through increasingly blurry vision, Kris recognized the ceiling as the one in their home. They would die and start flying and instead of going through the moon portal they would hit the ceiling and be stuck there and instead of meeting their maker and the spider and being called _freak freak freak_ forever they would watch their Mom and Dad and Brother and Susie and maybe even Noelle but not Ralsei and Lancer since they don’t live here and those are the only people they can think of all mourn them and then get over them and forget them and move on with their lives and they wouldn’t be able to move and yes it would be a very fitting punishment since it would be even worse than being controlled and-  
  
A surge of energy. A gasp of air. Uncontrollable muscle spasms.  
  
“ _Kris?! Kris!_ ”  
  
They were calm and breathing once more. They were back in their bedroom, and they were still in control. Susie was standing right there, next to an empty cage. “…S-Susie? Did I just almost die…?”  
  
“I dunno… probably, so... I had to put your SOUL back in your body…” she said with worry in her voice.  
  
They put a hand to their chest. They felt whole again, but also very apprehensive. Realization told them that they needed their SOUL if they wanted to live. But did this mean they would be controlled for the rest of their lives? What could they even do?  
  
“Susie…” they said. “…I’m-I’m scared…”  
  
At first, she didn’t react. She let their statement sit in the air. Then, she sat on their bed and put an arm around them. It was a massive arm, much larger than their shoulders, but it gave them comfort. “If that… damn thing comes back tomorrow then I’ll be there to... help you. We’ll go back to the Dark World, as we promised, and see if Ralsei and Lancer have anything to say. Hopefully they’ll have something useful. And then we can try to open the Doors again.”  
  
Now that they had a SOUL, they could cry. “Th-Thank you Susie… I don’t know what I would’ve done without you…”  
  
“It’s fine, dude. I... I like to think you’d do the same thing for me.”  
  
They’d like to think that as well. Still, as they wept they felt apprehension. “What will you do, Susie? What will you do if I’m not myself tomorrow?”  
  
She briefly thought to herself. “…I’ll pick your ass up and drag you to the Dark World. I’ll hope they have a solution. If they don’t, I’ll hold on to you even more. I won’t let you do a thing. You, or whoever the hell is controlling you, won’t be able to do a fucking thing until you can get a word in edgewise. I won’t let you be controlled if I have any say in it.”  
  
Kris was stunned. Never in their life had anyone outside their immediate family made such a declaration of unambiguous love and solidarity. Of course, it was the result of a terrible situation, but still. “…I feel like all I’m saying to you tonight is ‘Thank you’.”  
  
“Whatever…” Susie waved it off. “I got nothing better to do, anyway.” She stood up with a grunt. “I think we should call it a night. You good?”  
  
“Yeah… yeah. I’m good.” And, to their surprise, they were being honest.  
  
“Well… see ya.” She waved awkwardly and walked out of the room. They could hear her pounding footsteps become fainter and fainter, and they were suddenly very grateful Toriel was a heavy sleeper. She didn’t seem very adept at goodbyes, but they didn’t mind. They weren’t either.  
  
Sighing, Kris covered themselves in their blankets. Whatever happened tomorrow, they would at least have Susie for support. With that comforting thought, they went to sleep.  
  
…  
  
_That night, they had a dream._  
  
_A tangle of vines grew in every which way, covering everything within the void they stood. A spider, massive and black, scuttled around, weaving its web of green more and more, entrapping them. They tried to scream but nothing came out._  
  
_“Do you understand what you are doing?” It was the spider, the mandibles twitching and dripping venom with every syllable as it crawled in circles around them. “Well, do you?”_  
  
_“No. I’m looking to understand this strange world.” Now they could make sounds, but only certain ones. It felt like they were reciting a script._  
  
_“If there is someone who could do that, it is you,” the spider conceded. “But it will come with a price.” The vines began to tighten everywhere. Around their arms, around their legs, around their throat. “You must understand, my webs are to protect, not harm. The Doors and what is beyond them are not meant for mortal minds.”_  
  
_“…Who are you?” they choked out._  
  
_A long, spindly leg reached forward and touched the tip of their nose. They wanted to close their eyes and look away, but they couldn’t. “A warning. This adventure, this quest, will be long and arduous, tragic and full of sacrifice. Everything you know will fall apart at the seams and become less than nothing. That is the price of going against the natural order. Few have done what you hope to do, none have come out the same.”_  
  
_They looked straight into the spider’s many eyes by choice, each one reflecting their defiant expression. “For once, I have friends. For once, I have hope. I can do it.”_  
  
_“Then take up your sword and go forth, Hero.”_  
  
…  
  
“Kris! Kris, if you do not wake up, we will be late for school.”  
  
Toriel opened the window’s curtains, spilling sunlight into the dark room. Kris’ eyes squinted shut as they pulled their blanket over their head.  
  
“I will wait outside for you, alright?”  
  
As they forced the covers off, they realized this felt way too familiar. Toriel was saying the exact same things she said the morning of the fateful day they were controlled and went on their adventure. Had they gone back in time? Peering over the edge of the bed, they looked fearfully at the floor. Once they touched it, they would know for sure if they were still them or not. But they thought of Susie and knew that, no matter what, they wouldn’t be alone. They lowered their feet, brushed their toes against the carpet's fibers, and-  
  
They didn’t take that step, did they? No, they did not.


	2. Two

Yes, they decided, they had somehow gone back in time. As they, or rather their controller, went through the all-too-familiar day, Toriel and Alphys and Noelle and the other classmates all said the exact same words they did in the past. They still hoped that this time travel wasn’t the case, that it was all just some massive coincidence, but that hope was dashed to pieces once Susie burst into the classroom. She was back to her old self, the one who was a bully and did not know them. As she slammed them against a locker and threatened to eat their face, all they could think was that she did not remember, that she did not know what they were going through anymore. They were alone once again.  
  
“If you haven’t gotten it by now... Your choices don’t matter,” she said. It was as if they were being taunted.  
  
All of this was almost enough to make them give up, but they very much couldn’t. They couldn’t control their own actions, and, no matter what, they were still being forced to watch everything. Eventually, they knew, Susie would come to know them once again. But, if everything could be reset, then what was the point? They could rip out their SOUL again, have their night chat with Susie again, fail to open the Doors again and again, and, in the end, it wouldn’t change anything. Would it?  
  
The events in the Dark World happened once more, with only slight differences. Their controller did not interact with everything or talk to everyone as it did they first time. Ralsei gave them a Manual, and it threw his handiwork on the ground immediately. It ignored Lancer’s weird signs, it missed some items, but it still refused to harm, or let Susie harm, anything. Overall, though, it was all crushingly familiar. Kris watched it all happen impassively, their vigor and hope from the night before almost sapped completely.  
  
However, they remembered what the spider in the dream said, that whatever they had to do on their quest would be long and arduous. If this was only the beginning, they seriously needed to toughen up. That dream was all that kept them from giving up completely.  
  
Eventually, once they and Ralsei were imprisoned by Lancer, something happened. They weren’t forced to eat moss, which was rather tasty by the way, or put on shackles, which were very fashionable by the way, like before. Instead, they talked to Ralsei immediately. Susie entered the conversation, solved the puzzle, and left to free them. Same old, same old.  
  
Ralsei said his spiel. “Well, regardless of how you feel… I don’t think it would hurt to take a moment… Close your eyes and think about what she’s doing right now…”  
  
They did, once again. They expected to watch what Susie was doing, as they had last time. But that wasn’t what happened.  
  
It was like a weight had been lifted. They exhaled all the air out of their lungs and stumbled a little, looking around frantically. They… They were them again!  
  
“Kris, listen to me!”  
  
Was that stern voice Ralsei? It sounded so alien, but it had to be. No one else was around.  
  
He gripped their face between both of his fuzzy little hands and looked right into their eyes. “Listen to me. We don’t have much time, and what I’m about to tell you is very important, OK? I know what’s happening to you, and I can help. Tonight, if we get through all of this, remove your SOUL, take it with you and come back to the Dark World. I know that sounds hard and dangerous, but trust me! I can explain more when I have the time to do so. Tonight. No SOUL. Dark World. Got it?”  
  
They were stunned, but had the presence of mind to nod.  
  
“Sorry, but things will be back to normal momentarily. Stay strong!” He removed his hands from their head, briefly grabbing one of their own and squeezing it.  
  
“Ralsei-“ Before they could say what they wanted, they felt the presence again. Their words died in their mouth and they were no longer them.  
  
Ralsei’s expression and tone shifted on a moment’s notice. “… so that’s why, OK, Kris?”  
  
That conversation was all Kris could think of for the rest of the day. The end of the adventure was the same as before, except, to their disappointment, they did not fight Jevil. They reached the final battle against the king, and, momentarily taking control, jumped in to protect Susie from certain death. This still confused them. How could they only take control in that one moment? Were they given permission? Or was it impossible for the possessor to stop? They just took it as a moment of victory, and continued to eagerly await night’s arrival.  
  
When time came to explore the town, their possessor didn’t even bother and walked home, which was fine with them. They didn’t need another round of everyone looking at them like they were crazy.  
  
Night came. Finally, it was time. Ripping out their SOUL seemed like a monumental, dangerous task before, but now it was like ripping off a Band-Aid: quick and only briefly painful. The now-familiar feeling of emptiness and weightiness took hold of them, and they threatened the possessors with the knife. Like last time, the SOUL went limp. Picking up the cage, using the non-knife-holding hand and arm to hug it to their torso, they walked out of the house into the empty streets. The school wasn’t as far as the Doors were, but, once again, they didn’t know how they would get in.  
  
Looking at the school, with its locked front doors and many windows, they internally shrugged. Time would probably go back again and no one was around, so why should they care? Taking the cage, they chucked it into a window with as much force as they could muster. Success was heralded with a triumphant, loud _CRASH_. Enjoying their act of vandalism, Kris smiled wide as they climbed through the now open window. If their SOUL was within them, they would be laughing hard for sure. Susie would be proud.  
  
All these uses of considerable energy, carrying things and throwing things and climbing through things, were not good for them at all. Indeed, with every laborious step down the school halls, with every jostling of the cage, they could feel their energy slipping away. The door to the storage closet was barely visible in the dark, but the faint outline was all they could focus on. They wanted, no, needed, to make it.  
  
Mere feet away, they could feel their legs beginning to give out. Gasping in desperation, they leaped forward and fell into the door, grunting in pain as their shoulder made impact with the hard wood. This forced it open, and they descended into the darkness.  
  
Falling. It felt like they were falling forever. None of their other entrances to the Dark World felt this long. The darkness surrounded them completely, and eventually it felt more like they were floating in place than falling. Perhaps they had become to first human to float in mid-air, but, as the pioneer of their field, had neglected to figure out how to stop. Now they would have to float in their triumph forever, with only shadows, a no-good, back-stabbing SOUL, a loyal knife, and a stupid yet trustworthy cage to congratulate them. What a group to adventure with.  
  
The darkness. It felt warm, like they floated into a dimension made of blankets. It was just so _comfortable_. Trying and failing to keep their eyes open, their fingers went limp and the cage floated away. Waking up with a start, they panicked and flailed around to grab it, move towards it, _do anything_ , but nothing could be done. Down and down the two floated into the endless blanket, body and SOUL, separated and unable to reach the other.  
  
Suddenly, it was cold. They landed with a _THWAK_ on to the stone ground, strangely painless but still knocking out any wind they could’ve possibly had left in them. They didn’t know where the cage went, but a loud _CLANK_ followed by rattling signaled its impact not too far from them. They needed to find it, but their arms would not move. Their legs would not move. They found they could not move at all. Only their fingers moved, holding on to the knife as much as they could. They began to wheeze, for that was the only noise they had the energy or breath to make.  
  
“Help…” they managed to whimper out.  
  
The comforting night sky was not visible, replaced by the dark void. It was no longer a dimension of blankets, or even like the one in their dream. If they were to float away, it would be into the complete unknown. The possibilities of what could happen if they died were endless, but they had a sinking feeling it wouldn’t be as crazy and cool as they liked to imagine. It would be much more depressing, or nothing at all. As they began to close their eyes, they heard some shuffling, and, as their vision blurred and their eyelids locked shut, they saw a form look upon them, holding the cage.  
  
…  
  
_A void again. But this time, there were no vines. There were no blankets. There was no spider._  
  
_CHAPTER ONE HAS ENDED. The voice filled their head, assaulted their senses. They were being violated._  
  
_“Who said that?!” was what they wanted to say._  
  
_NOW BEGIN CHAPTER TWO._  
  
…  
  
“Kris!”  
  
With a gasp, they sat up. They weren’t where they fell, instead they were inside what appeared to be a library, one that was almost devoid of light. Stacks of books surrounded their seat, and, out of the corners of their eyes, massive shelves of bountiful knowledge were barely visible through the inky blackness. A fire crackled across from them in a fireplace, fending off the darkness and painting their section of the room in warm orange light. This light reflected off their silver armor. Looking down in surprise, they could see their bangs-covered face looking back, the armor clear as a mirror. It seemed they had gone back to their heroic look, with the multicolored cape on their back, the blue skin, and the knife turned into a literal sword. Their SOUL was back, they could feel it and see the empty cage visible in front of the fire, but they were still them. None of this had their attention for long, though. The chair they sat in was colored red and it was plump and soft and way larger than them and they just wanted to snuggle into it forever. Did it come from the blanket dimension?  
  
“ _Kris!_ ”  
  
Looking around lazily, they saw Ralsei walk into the light. He was in his green garb, the hat and scarf and shirt all covering him in shadow that concealed his true appearance. With his little fangs and seemingly dark fur, he almost looked like a deformed spider. If Kris was more used to this appearance, then did that mean that it was Ralsei’s true appearance to them? They certainly felt like that was the case.  
  
“Hi, Ralsei,” they greeted, as if they weren’t on the brink of death mere moments ago. Unlike their talk with Susie, Kris immediately felt at ease. It felt like they were visiting the home of an old friend, the warmth and comfort and friendliness that filled them threatened to consume them.  
  
“I’m so glad you’re OK!” he exclaimed, approaching their chair. “I’m sorry I instructed you to remove your SOUL, but there was no other way to do this… I placed it back within you to keep you alive.”  
  
“Nah,” they waved it off, “I understand.”  
  
Ralsei exhaled in relief and spread his arms out in an inviting gesture. “Well, welcome to my humble abode, Kris! Comfy, wouldn’t you say?”  
  
“This is the comfiest chair I’ve sat in in my entire life,” they spoke plainly.  
  
“Glad you think that way! Being alone for years, and the only thing keeping me company being books, these chairs were my best friends ever.”  
  
Well, it was more friends than they had for most of their life.  
  
“Oh! Before I forget.” Ralsei receded back into the darkness. There was soft clanking, and when he came back he was holding a plate with a slice of cake on it. “I told you I would make yummy cakes, didn’t I?”  
  
Kris took the plate. It was almost purely white, with white icing, white filling, white cake, on a white plate with a white fork. Taking a mouthful, it was perfectly moist and sweet and delicious. They were in awe. “You didn’t have to…”  
  
“No, no. I wanted to!”  
  
After that, the only sounds in the expansive room were the roaring of the flames and the scraping of fork on plate. Ralsei rubbed his hands together nervously, staring into the fire all the while. “I… have stalled long enough. I need to tell you some things that you may not understand, or like, but I must emphasize that there is no other way.”  
  
Ha! What could Ralsei say that would freak them out even more than what they already knew? Of course, it was likely he did not know exactly what they had gone through, but they figured they would find out soon enough.  
  
Picking up a book out of a pile, Ralsei sat in another red chair right next to theirs. “First off, I thank you for coming. Judging by how I found you, it was not easy at all for you to get here. But it will be worth it, I promise!”  
  
Kris took their last bite of the cake and set aside the plate and fork. “You keep saying how big, how mind blowing this will be. Just tell me, please?”  
  
Ralsei looked up from his book in surprise. “Oh! I apologize, I just wanted to make sure you understood what is going on!”  
  
“I _think_ I understand,” they said with confidence, wiggling their feet in the air over the edge of the chair.  
  
“Very well.” He cleared his throat. “…I’ve read every book in this library, come to know every legend of this land,” Ralsei said, flipping through the pages of the tome on his lap, “and over the years my purpose has become clear to me. I am a guide.”  
  
“A… guide?”  
  
“I explain how everything works. Battling, ACTing, FIGHTing, it all is known to me, and I must pass that knowledge on to the hero who joins me. I even made a Manual to explain everything as well as I could. You remember, right?”  
  
The Manual. Kris remembered. When there was an attempt to read it on the first adventure, their possessor acted all confused before any words were even seen and threw it away despite Ralsei’s protests. They did not know what it contained.  
  
But the implications in what Ralsei said worried them deeply. “…You’re saying you work for it?”  
  
“It?” Ralsei’s confusion turned to realization. “I think I know what you’re talking about. The one controlling you, right? No, technically not. I set up this meeting to go against what I assume are its wishes. This was meant to tell you that you are not crazy, that you are actually being controlled, forced along an adventure, but I get the feeling you already know…?”  
  
“I’ve seen the adventure through the Dark World twice by now,” they revealed. Ralsei shot up in his chair in shock. “Now, I’m on a new adventure, a quest to save myself from control.”  
  
“Two times?! Wh-What are you talking about? Like time travel?”  
  
They shrugged, for they did not know. “Maybe.”  
  
Ralsei shivered. “I admit… I don’t know too much factually. With all these countless books, you’d be right to assume I should know more. But really, true understanding of what is happening and why my purpose is what it is eludes me.”  
  
So, the purpose of this meeting was to reiterate what they already knew? That didn’t surprise them, but they couldn’t blame Ralsei. How could he have known the extent of what had happened thus far?  
  
“However!” Wait. There was more? “I can hypothesize. I’ve spent years thinking on an idea, but I just can’t figure it out. Maybe… you could give your opinions on it, Kris?”  
  
“Sure.”  
  
He cleared his throat, looking intently at the book. He appeared nervous. “The actions involved in my guiding feel… very specific to me. You remember the Manual? I didn’t see you read it, but all the directions in there I took from this book. Do you… care to look? Page 10…”  
  
They nodded, taking the leather-bound cover in their hands. Flipping through the pages, they didn’t see anything too interesting. Once they reached page 10, however, they stopped. The word-  
  
**CONTROLS**  
  
-was at the top of the page in large, bold letters. A pit formed in their stomach. With considerable trepidation, they began to read.  
  
_Understanding the keyboard’s layout is vital to any legendary hero. Please memorize the following table._  
  
_Z- Interact in the overworld, select in the menu_  
  
_X- Run in the overworld, cancel in the menu_  
  
_C- Open menu_  
  
They couldn’t stop shaking. “R-Ralsei?”  
  
He cringed and avoided their gaze, glasses reflecting the fire and blocking sight of his eyes. “I-I see you’ve read it… It’s obviously instructions related to controlling you, but do you… know what it means? Is the overworld our world? What exactly is a keyboard? A board with piano keys? And what is the menu? Like, is it a menu at a restaurant? Plus, the random letters-”  
  
Kris knew, they knew all too well. They remembered the countless hours in front of the TV screen, using a bootleg controller after their official one broke from overuse. “How… How do you not understand?!” They threw the book on to the floor frantically with a resounding _THUD_ , wanting it out of their hands as soon as possible. Ralsei jumped. “Those are…” They couldn’t believe it. “ _Those are…_ ” They felt sick. “Those are… video game controls…”  
  
“What’s… What’s a video game?” Ralsei stuttered out.  
  
This wasn’t good. This was even worse than they thought. This was well and truly fucked. But it made so much sense, way too much sense. HP, TP, battling, all that bullshit, it should’ve been apparent from the start. As their mind threatened to unravel, they latched on to a memory.  
  
…  
  
_Kris never really participated in church, they just liked the taste of the fruit juice. The priest always encouraged them to do more, to be more like Asriel. But they weren’t Asriel, they didn’t want to join the choir or become an altar server or sing hymns or pray. They were just always dragged there by Toriel and decided that, while they were there, they may as well drink the delicious Holy Fruit Juice. However, despite their continued dismissiveness, the old man persisted in bugging them._  
  
_They were sitting at a far back pew, waiting for Ariel to finish helping with clean up after Mass. They and their brother always enjoyed walking home together and then playing Super Smashing Fighters into the night. Heh, Asriel’s precious green dinosaur always got its ass kicked._  
  
_“Kris, my child. How are you today?”_  
  
_Kris sighed. They looked up from staring into the ground to see the priest standing in the row in front of them._  
  
_“Fine.”_  
  
_He hummed in thought. “Instead of staring at nothing while you wait, why don’t you read some Scripture? Maybe some hymns? There’s plenty of options here, you really should take advantage of them.”_  
  
_They shrugged. “I dunno.” They did know, though. They weren’t interested._  
  
_“You don’t know… Do you believe in a higher power, Kris?”_  
  
_That got their attention, but they didn’t have a clear answer. “Dunno… maybe not.”_  
  
_“You should give deep thought to that question. Instead of coming here because your mom tells you and to drink fruit juice, maybe you should come because you truly believe in what we say,” he said, clasping his hands together in a prayer pose._  
  
_Kris knew what they said, and they didn’t buy it. This religion believed in a one, true God, an all-powerful God who was a benevolent figure that, at the dawn of time, gave life to the world and granted intelligence to both humans and monsters. This God allowed for free will, letting His creations break the rules as much as they wanted. But this God also enjoyed righteous punishment, and, if you broke the rules too much, you would be sent to Hell for eternity. Kris felt like this was all too convenient. There is an all-powerful God, but He’s nice and lets us do what we want, but is also not-so-nice sometimes and doles out punishment where we can’t see it. Telling the priest all this would be exhausting though, so they just shrugged and said, “Don’t think I do.”_  
  
_He bowed his head. “Believe what you want, my child. But I truly think that if we have faith in nothing, then we will truly be lost. Like a toddler stumbling along in the dark, with nothing to hold on to for support. Do you understand what I mean?”_  
  
_No, they didn’t. “Yeah, I do.”_  
  
…  
  
Kris finally realized that there was a God, or maybe gods, but that it wasn’t what that religion taught. Not by a long shot. That God was an idealistic fantasy, one whose followers deeply wanted to be true so they could feel better about themselves and their place in the world. Free will? Heaven? Hell? None of it existed.  
  
Their own absurd attempts to view the world? Vine-weaving spiders, blanket dimensions, moon portals, eternal parrot torture? None of it was real, and part of them was genuinely disappointed. In reality, they were all just pawns, playthings for a higher order’s amusement. Kept in the dark and forced to do the same things over and over without knowing.  
  
That is the truth of this world, they realized, and it is enough to bring one to madness and despair.  
  
With these thoughts came paranoia. Kris wasn’t sure the memories they cherished, and even the ones they didn’t cherish, happened or not, whether anybody they knew had wills of their own. Was even what they were doing now, supposedly defying the natural order, preordained? Was Ralsei simply furthering his role as a guide, pointing them in the direction where these creators wanted them to go? Feelings of love, hate, disgust, happiness, fear, apathy, were they all just preprogrammed reactions? Their head was pounding, their heart was racing, their view of everything and anything was melting into soup. _Was anybody, anything, real?_  
  
“Kris…? Are you OK?”  
  
They realized they had been staring at the fire for quite a while now.  
  
“…Yeah. It’s a lot to take in.”  
  
“Haha… I still don’t understand…” That little laugh captured their feelings well. It was all a joke. They’re just part of a video game. A video game. That _is_ funny, isn’t it?  
  
The comfort of the chair behind them suddenly felt very wrong, bile rose in their throat as they remembered the sweetness of the cake. All flashy baubles meant to distract from the horrifying reality. Without a word, they slipped from the chair and began to walk away from the safety and warmth of the fire into the cold, dusty, dark shelves of books.  
  
“Kris? Where are you going?”  
  
They didn’t walk very far before they began to throw up.  
  
“Kris!” They could hear Ralsei scampering over, feel him softly rub their shoulders, but they couldn’t care less. Even his concern felt hollow. He was programmed to feel that way, much as they were programmed to fucking vomit on the floor.  
  
“I d-don’t understand what’s wrong, Kris! As your friend, can you please, _please_ , tell me what you’ve figured out?!” Ralsei pleaded as they continued throwing up.  
  
Vomit was replaced by dry heaving. Part of them was guilty Ralsei’s library was dirtied by their filth, but another wondered if that even mattered. They felt like the edgy, nihilistic 13-year-old on the internet they once were, proclaiming proudly that nothing mattered. At least they had reasons to feel that way now.  
  
They spat out the last of that shitty taste in their mouth. Turning around, they glanced at Ralsei, his dark form further silhouetted by the distant fire behind him. “We’re… We’re all part of a video game, Ralsei. Those letters, they’re control inputs. The menu, that’s when you press the pause button in a video game. I’ve played enough to know.” They said it as if they were droning off the answers to questions in class.  
  
He still looked confused.  
  
“…You don’t know what that is, and so I’ll tell you. I’ve played plenty. Basically, you control an avatar and make it do what you want. Sound familiar? It’s all fake, a piece of entertainment.”  
  
“That-“ Ralsei’s arms went limp at his sides. “…How did I not realize that? Video games? Entertainment? Control inputs! I can’t…” He gripped the fur on his ears. “I-I can’t think about this.”  
  
As Ralsei began freaking out, they watched in apathy. He was merely an NPC, a party member to guide the main character. He was having a crisis, but they doubted it was anywhere close to how they were feeling. However, they then remembered their conversation with Susie the night before, and they remembered how they saved her life. How could those feelings they had about her, another supposed party member, be faked? How could the totality of their life, with Toriel and Asriel and Asgore, be faked? How could their urge to open the Doors and stop whatever was possessing them be fake? It all felt real to them.  
  
Kris stared into the vomit they coughed up, simultaneously wondering where those little chunks came from and thinking about how completely disgusted they were with what they were thinking. Ralsei was having a crisis, and they doubted it was anywhere close to what they were feeling. But, why did that matter? It was a crisis all the same. Programmed or not, Ralsei was their friend. Forcing themself to ignore the thoughts that told them it was a manufactured friendship, they hugged him tight. They deeply hoped they weren't deluding themself.  
  
“What can we even do, Kris?” Ralsei said, hugging them back, eyes tearing up and full of concern. “I want to help you… I want to help myself and everyone else, but I don’t know what I can do!”  
  
Resting their chin on Ralsei’s shoulder and rubbing circles on his back, they began thinking. The more they thought, the more they realized that the ones who made them weren’t perfect. They couldn’t do everything, could they? They could make mistakes, fail, slip up and have their creations realize what they were doing. Kris protected Susie, ripped out their own SOUL. These so-called gods couldn’t do everything they wanted. Maybe free will was real, after all. But if this was all preordained, then, well, fuck it. At least they could feel like they were being defiant.  
  
The idea of defiance flared within them. Yes, they deeply wished to defy the ones who created a whole universe only to make a fun little game out of it. The word _game_ entered their head and refused to leave. They had an idea.  
  
“There is something we can try… Someone we can talk to…” they said.  
  
“…Who?” Ralsei asked, pulling back from their embrace, confused.  
  
“Jevil.” They were filled with purpose once again. “In the dungeons of Lancer’s castle. We need to talk with Jevil.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Kris' views on religion don't necessarily correlate with my own. Thank you for reading!


	3. Three

The Dark World was suitably dark, and this darkness felt like it was entering their head through the ears and mouth and nose, encircling its smoky tendrils around their brain, and filling their skull to the point of overflowing. It was corrupting, discouraging, powerful, but also charismatic, welcoming, and all too easy to give into. A part of them wanted to grip it by the tentacles and rip it out, hard, but if they were to do that it would hold on to their mind and threaten to rip it all asunder. Another part wanted to give in and have it consume them, replace their mind with pure blackness, to let it worm its way inside the networks and cortexes of their brain, infesting and infecting everything, but that would be to give in to defeat, to make their whole endeavor of defiance pointless. Thus, all they could hope to do was let it sit there, like it always did, and constantly combat it for their entire life.  
  
This was what went through Kris’ mind as they and Ralsei ventured through the land, collecting the key pieces needed to open Jevil’s cell. Ralsei was confused when they seemed to have a deeper understanding of the layout of his home than he, but they understood why. Time travel was not a concept that was easy to accept as being real, let alone on top of the possibility of them being video game characters. He had calmed down, but they knew he too felt the darkness gnawing at his mind.  
  
They solved the puzzle and got a piece, they walked on the invisible path and got another, and finally they approached Seam’s shop for the last. When they entered, it was very apparent by the expression on his face he did not expect their appearance. He had changed into pajamas and was next to an opened sleeping bag. Did he live in this ratty, old shop?  
  
“Ah, you are back? What brings you to my shop at this unexpected hour?” he said, recovering from his surprise and replacing it with the familiar Cheshire grin.  
  
They weren’t looking for any small talk. “The key piece, to Jevil’s cell. You have it?”  
  
There was that surprised face again. “…Jevil? How do you-“  
  
“Never mind, I know you have it. Can you give it to us?” It was then that a sick thought entered their head, a funny idea carried in by tentacles of the dark. They knew things Seam did not. In fact, they knew even more than he did despite how mysterious and knowledgeable he appeared before. His purpose as the cryptic shopkeeper was now obsolete, and now it was their turn to laugh at the futile actions of others, to be the wise cynic. Even if Seam could help them with the piece, he was not, and never would be, their friend. It simply was not his role. Why not tell him the truth? Looking at his expression, they had a hard time holding back their laughter. He was at a loss for words!  
  
“…Yeah… I have it. Here.” He held the piece out, like they knew he would. They snatched it out of his hand in triumph. This took way less time than the search their controller undertook the first time around. He continued talking. “…May I ask how you knew where the other pieces were?”  
  
They grinned a nasty grin, sadism mixed with amusement. It was time to let the bomb drop. “You want to know how I know? Because you’re predictable. Nothing is real, we’re all part of a game, everything we know is a lie.” Wisps of blackness spilled out of their mouth with every word, slipping across the floor and constricting around Seam’s prone body.  
  
Ralsei gasped. They almost forgot he was there. “Kris! What are you doing?!”  
  
Seam’s expression shifted, the smile becoming a little more strained. “No,” he laughed, “don’t be angry at them. I would be lying if I said I understood what they meant, but…” He approached Kris and looked them dead in the eye. “…you know what Jevil does, don’t you? He spoke similarly at first before it became more and more cryptic, more and more… insane. As a result, I… I needed to imprison him, my old friend. I want to know, I dearly want to know… but I’m afraid that what you tell me will never get through my thick skull. Regardless, I wish you luck.” He sat down on his sleeping bag and an exhausted, morose expression took over his face. “Now, get out of my shop…”  
  
Ralsei hurried out. Kris watched the old cat wallow in misery for a second, wondering why they did what they just did. It didn’t need to happen, they just made Seam’s issues worse, reopened old wounds and reminded him of something that he didn’t need to be reminded of. Still, they had a hard time trying to find any regret within them. Shaking their head, they left.  
  
As they ran to meet up with Ralsei and continued walking past him, they could see visible anger even through the shadows that covered him. “…Why did you do that?” That was all he could say.  
  
“I felt the urge to do it,” they admitted. “I enjoy a good prank.”  
  
“Prank…?”  
  
“Yeah. Setting things on fire, covering yourself in fake blood, putting bath bombs in the toilet. Pranks.”  
  
Anger turned to worry. “…Are you sure you’re OK, Kris?”  
  
“Yeah. I’m fine.”  
  
Ralsei’s expression looked dubious at best, but he seemingly elected to let it go for now. “…I’ve never seen Seam get so... despondent like that,” he said. “Usually he just acts like there isn’t a care in the world…”  
  
“I think that’s what he’s really like. I’d guess he doesn’t like to be reminded of the truth, and is incapable of really accepting it,” Kris noted. Seam, for all his apparent wisdom, didn’t seem like he could grasp the enormity of what they or Jevil said. Instead, all those ideas were forced to fester inside his head like a disease, with him unable to agree or disagree with them. A state of limbo that he knew he was in, but was unable to escape from. Another form of Hell, they supposed.  
  
“…What about me?” Ralsei asked. “Have I even come close to accepting it?”  
  
“You’ve probably come closer than anyone, even me,” Kris admitted. “But Jevil… Jevil knows and has accepted more than any one of us.”  
  
As they saw Lancer’s castle in the distance, Ralsei asked a question. “So… we fought this Jevil, huh? What is he like?”  
  
“To the normal person, completely crazy in the head. But I don’t blame him. He apparently met someone who told him the truth about our world, and that is how he ended up where he is. Locked in the dungeons forever. I fear that is what will happen to us. Be trapped with our knowledge forever….” they said, shivering.  
  
Ralsei rubbed against Kris’ side. “It won’t. We can do this! Whether you go back in time again or you get taken control of again, I’ll be there to help you with this. OK?”  
  
The warmth they felt before was coming back in full force. “…OK, Ralsei. Thank you.”  
  
They finally reached the castle’s front gates. They were closed, but a Rudinn posted outside noticed them immediately.  
  
“Halt! Are you the heroes that helped our kingdom earlier?” he yelled.  
  
A surge of darkness. They decided to have some more fun. “We are, good knight! May we enter your majesty’s abode?” Kris replied, holding his sword aloft and playing up his role.  
  
“Of course! King Lancer signed a royal decree saying you ‘clowns’ could enter whenever you wanted. Come in!” At that, the gates raised up.  
  
“Well, that was convenient,” they said to themself, laughing. They raised their voice again. “This is merely a quick visit, do not wake his majesty from his slumber for us! Also, we are sentient pieces of entertainment, constantly living a lie! Good night to you.”  
  
Ignoring the guard’s confused expression and Ralsei’s emphatic objections, they entered.  
  
The castle was impressive, with its pointing spires and floors upon floors of twisting halls, yet it was also drab, colorless, and almost oppressive in its enormity. It was clear that Lancer, having just become king that day, had yet to completely erase the marks his father left behind, even in his own home. Kris wondered if that was even possible. The deposed ruler’s soul was felt in every room, every crevice, every stone that made up the floor. If they noticed it, then it was certainly much worse for Lancer. They almost wanted to meet up with him, talk with him, maybe they could help each other feel better. But, sadly, they were on a mission, and they needed to go through with it with no distractions. Thus, when they entered the elevator, instead of going up, they went down, below the bottom floors, below even the dungeons. At this place, at the bottom of everything, was Jevil’s lonely piece of freedom.  
  
It was so far down, in fact, that they needed to walk further down a seemingly endless stairway even after the elevator took them as low as it went. At the end of these stairs was a door, or where a door should be anyway. It had no discernable way to be opened, but luckily Kris already knew what to do. They combined the pieces into the Door Key and knocked.  
  
There was a moment of anticipation.  
  
“…UEE HEE HEE! Visitors! Who could it be, be? Do you wish to play?!” It was Jevil. The high-pitched voice traveled through the door-that-really-wasn’t-a-door to reach them, but it wasn’t muffled in the slightest. It was as if he was right there next to them.  
  
“No play. My name is Kris, this is Ralsei,” they gestured to him as if Jevil could see. They wouldn’t be surprised if he somehow could. “Am I right in assuming you know who we are?”  
  
“Yes, yes. I know, I know! You are the brave heroes, the ones who defeated the King!”  
  
“But there is another reason you know us. We played a numbers game, in another time. “  
  
Jevil went silent.  
  
Kris knew exactly what to say to get the conversation flowing again. “…The world is spinning, isn’t it?”  
  
“…Spinning, spinning! Yes, it is!”  
  
“May we come in? I have the Door Key.”  
  
“Of course! Come in, come in! Let yourselves outside!”  
  
They used the Door Key, which created a door on the door-that-really-wasn’t-a-door. As soon as it appeared, they opened it, and, once they did, it hit them once again. The feeling. What you could faintly sense outside the Doors was all around them here. The room was a motley of shades of blue, and it was spinning. It felt like they had walked into a completely different dimension, or more like another dimension had been added on to their own. Everything was clearer, the spinning of the world was laid out before them, their vision and their smell and their touch, it all felt true and real. It was a whirlwind of reality and emotion, something bigger than them and impossible to fully grasp. In comparison to the last time they were here, it was so much more apparent that this was no ordinary room. It was completely and utterly unique. Simply chaotic. Maybe, just maybe, they thought, such freedom, such chaos, could be in their grasp soon enough.  
  
In the center of all this spinning chaos was Jevil himself, floating around and giggling, snorting, shrieking, making merry. “I see you have no time for play!” he exclaimed as he tumbled through the air to a position right in front of them. “Oh, you know, don’t you? Oh, they know, they know!” He laughed further in joy.  
  
Ralsei looked like he was going to have a panic attack at all that was happening, eyes flickering this way and that. They gripped his shoulder and gave it a supportive squeeze before turning back to the jester. They wanted to converse with Jevil, discuss what he knew and compare notes, but they knew that would not happen. He was on another level, went so far high he returned to the feral state that awaited everyone at absolute zero. He was incapable of relating with them, incapable of stooping low enough to speak with them plainly. Seeing and knowing were two different things, and if this room was a simple taste of what Jevil saw at all times then there was no hope for a real back and forth. Sadly, this would be a simple conversation of questions and answers. No more, no less. How many questions they were allowed they couldn’t anticipate. “…I do know. Tell me, Jevil. What is controlling me, what is controlling this world?” Question one.  
  
“Who is spinning the world around?” Jevil asked. “I do not know! But the man, the man! He most certainly knows!”  
  
The man Seam had mentioned the first time, the one who started Jevil on the path that led him here. This man was who they wanted to see more than all. “Who is this man?” Question two.  
  
Jevil laughed, harder than he had thus far. “Nobody knows, not even the King, not even the Knight, not even the Queen! He’s no simple chaos, he’s THE chaos! Endless, beautiful chaos!”  
  
The Knight, that was a name they had heard before, but the Queen they had not. They did not have a clue who either was, and they weren’t even sure if it would be relevant to their quest. Regardless, they decided to ask. “…The Knight and the Queen? Who are they?” Question three.  
  
Jevil’s grin stretched to its very limit. “The Knight casts a shadow over this land, a shadow over you! He and the Queen he serves will come for you and your friends, and cast a final shadow over the world! …Oh yes, a wonderful tale, but a tale all the same.”  
  
So, it was all part of the story too. The Knight, the supposed grand, unknowable force behind the King, was nothing more than another aspect of some manufactured story. They had no recourse but to ask about the man once more. “…Where may I find the man?” Question four.  
  
Spins in the air, jingling of bells. “Everywhere and nowhere! Endless possibilities, a game of hide and go seek. Possibilities and games are more than you can hope for in a prison!”  
  
That wasn’t much help. Time to switch gears. “Do you know of the Doors?” Question five.  
  
The spinning stopped abruptly. “Doors! So very, very strange are Doors. You open them and they close. But who closes them?”  
  
What the hell was he even saying? “So, you don’t know?” Question six.  
  
“Yes, yes! Some Doors do not close, for they are always open!”  
  
What Jevil was saying made some sense to them, but it also did not. It was a paradox of words. Perhaps the clown had a method to his madness, a reason for what he did, what he said. But what it was they couldn’t discern. Regardless, Jevil’s words were burned into their brain now, and would hopefully provide answers eventually. They weren’t so sure, though.  
  
As they began to lose hope, he suddenly got up close to them. Really close. “Why, why are you sad? Joyful you should be! Don’t you see the beauty, don’t you see the fun and games? You can do anything! Now, take up your sword and go forth, hero!” They cringed as Jevil smiled, his sharp teeth close enough to bite their nose off.  
  
At that, he broke away and disappeared. Six questions. Not bad.  
  
“W-Where’d he go, Kris?!” Ralsei looked around frantically.  
  
They shrugged. “Who knows? It’ll be fine, come on.” They weren’t sure it’d be fine, but they couldn’t worry about it. The reset would come soon enough.  
  
They left the freedom and went back to the oppressive cage. Everything felt so much more constricted, so much smaller, now. All the talk of Doors and Knights and Queens and Mysterious Men made their head spin.  
  
Ralsei took a deep breath. “…What now?” he asked shakily.  
  
They ruminated on what Jevil said about the Doors. _Some Doors were always open…_ Maybe he knew, maybe he didn’t, but it meant something. “I’m back to my original objective. I need to open those Doors, and I think Jevil told me the means to do so.”  
  
“The Doors? The means to open them? Kris… I’m sorry, but I’m getting so confused.”  
  
Poor Ralsei looked so lost. He didn’t say a thing to Jevil, and yet here he was shivering just from being in his presence. This was all becoming too much. He was out of his element, and the darkness was winning the war over his mind. They sighed. “The Doors are in the Light World. I will go and try to open them.”  
  
Ralsei slapped himself and shook his head. “OK… OK. Can I… can I come?”  
  
They thought on that, hard. They really wanted him to, but it didn’t feel right. “…No, stay here. You’re taking this badly and need to rest. Tomorrow, there is a high chance things will be reset and you won’t remember any of this. If you do remember, do not tell me until that moment when we are jailed. Do you understand?”  
  
“Y-Yes… I understand.” The prince visibly deflated.  
  
Kris took one of his hands. “It’ll be OK, Ralsei. I just… do you feel it in your head? The feeling that everything is being clouded by darkness? Sucking any sense of hope and light out of you?”  
  
He looked shocked. “Well… I definitely feel like my hope is waning-”  
  
“I’m the one who is supposed to feel that way,” Kris asserted. “You’re the optimistic, peaceful healer. You’re my friend. I don’t enjoy seeing you like this.”  
  
“Don’t- _Don’t say that Kris!_ ” Tears brimmed in his eyes. “You’re more than a cloud of darkness! If we’re labelling ourselves, then you’re the hero, meant to save the world! In my life, at least, you’re not darkness. You’re light!”  
  
“I-“ Jeez, that was corny, but they loved it. Why did they have to have such nice friends? “…You’re right, Ralsei. I told the spider in my dream things would be OK because I now have friends. I’m really beginning to see what I meant.”  
  
“Spider…?”  
  
Ralsei really did look like a spider. “Don’t worry about it. You can come, if you really want. How do we leave?”  
  
“Where the Fountain was in this castle… there should be enough leftover energy to take us to your world.”  
  
They took the elevator to the top floor, snuck past Lancer and Rouxls' rooms, and went to the throne room. It was tough to deliberately ignore Lancer, but the night was only so long. Morning would come soon enough.  
  
Trails of dark energy were still left behind where the Fountain once was. They hesitated to touch it. It was as if the dark that threatened their mind had managed to take physical form, had found a way to control them forever. But, they needed to touch it. They needed it to go home. Their fingers reached out tentatively, shaking, and brushed against the smoke.  
  
As soon as it did, their SOUL floated out of their chest, raised in the air and was immediately surrounded. It pulsated, writhed, there was a growing brightness, and-  
  
They could feel themselves falling and rising at the same time.  
  
A flash of light.  
  
A burst of darkness.  
  
They were in the classroom again. Ralsei was right next to them, looking around in awe.  
  
“Wow! The Light World certainly is… dark.”  
  
“Everywhere is dark if you look close enough.”  
  
Walking outside, they traveled to the south of town, forcing Ralsei along whenever he got distracted by something, whether it be lamp posts, trashcans, or cars. The sky was bleeding orange at its edges as the birds began to tweet and the sun began to ascend upwards. They wondered what would happen if they forced themself to stay awake. Maybe they could find a way to stay awake forever, force their eyes open like in that one movie with the clockwork oranges, and see if anything awaited them in the future. They doubted it would make a difference.  
  
Ralsei babbled on as they continued to their destination, but what it was about they couldn’t say. They were too focused on their objective. Finally, they were at the clearing again. The mound of grass, the vines, the moss, the rust, it all was there.  
  
They gestured to it all. “Ralsei… these are the Doors.”  
  
He considered them, raising an eyebrow while he did. “What’s so special about them?”  
  
“I don’t know exactly. But… I do know there is something.”  
  
As Kris rubbed their hands over the red and green once again, they noticed something peculiar. Faint scratch marks were visible. They looked from them to the knife, and back again. They thought back to what Jevil said, and it all clicked. _Some Doors are always open_. These Doors were outside any sense of time, they did not bend to the rules of this world at all. They were permanent. Grinning, they took up the knife and began to scratch it more, rewarding themself with the sound of nails on a chalkboard. This met them with immediate pain, but, through gritted teeth, they continued until it was too much.  
  
Ralsei was screaming something, but they couldn’t hear.  
  
Collapsing with a groan, and ignoring Ralsei worrying frantically right next to them, they saw that the new scratch marks they made were visible. They needed to go further, make more, keep slashing until they cut through the Doors. They struggled to their feet. Another attempt, and the pain became unbearable. Every slash felt like a stab to their heart. The knife fell from their grip as they collapsed once again. This time, they couldn’t get up.  
  
“ _KRIS!”_  
  
They passed out, the last thing they saw being the scratch marks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably the hardest chapter for me to write yet, hopefully its enjoyable. Thank you for reading!


	4. Four

**PLAYTHROUGH NO. 3**  
  
“Kris! Kris, if you do not wake up, we will be late for school.”  
  
There was those words again. With a sigh, they landed on the carpeted floor and let themself be taken over. School, Susie, Dark World, Lancer, Ralsei, the Fountain, they went through it all in a daze. The differences this time were more substantial. Their controller attacked enemies, and it never warned about Susie. To their surprise, though, not one enemy died. Was it possible for anyone to die in this manufactured reality? Maybe the game’s code didn’t allow it. Their memories included instances of death, but such events might not have ever happened.  
  
If Ralsei remembered their meeting yesterday, they could not tell. He never indicated anything, and they had no chance to talk with him in the dungeons. They watched Susie and Lancer make up again instead of hearing if he had anything to say. If he did remember, then he was hiding his distress shockingly well, and this worried them. Were they doomed to be alone in this endeavor, Jevil as their only company?  
  
After they defeated the King, Lancer did not revolt and take over, and they did not get to say any goodbyes. They felt a small pang of sadness at that, seeing Lancer’s previous accomplishments invalidated, but they realized that it would be reset again anyway. Poor Lancer would be forced to give up his kingship and go back to his abusive father over and over again. It was designed to be that way, and Kris knew that was fucked up. Defiance kept them moving forward  
  
In town, they visited Noelle’s dad, Rudy. Seeing his bedridden form made them feel similarly ill. He was created to be sick, on the verge of death, and now he was stuck that way indefinitely. He kept up a cheery disposition in front of his daughter, but she wouldn’t ever get closure one way or another. Part of them thought morbidly that it would be easier on her for him to die than her having to eternally worry about it. But, death didn’t seem possible, and, if it was, they didn’t know if they wanted to find out.  
  
That night, after they threatened the SOUL and it stopped moving, they decided to put it back inside themself instead of having someone else do it. And, to their surprise, they did not fall back under control. The SOUL entered, and they were full again. They decided to do it that way every time from now on.  
  
They decided to wait a bit to leave, as they did not want to run into Susie. They did not want to have to explain everything to her, only to have her forget again. Looking around at the site, Susie did not appear to be around. Good.  
  
The Doors still had all the scratches they left behind. It was then, looking from their knife to the Doors, that the enormity of their task hit them.  
  
They were trying to cut open Doors.  
  
_They were trying to cut open Doors._  
  
Not wooden doors, or glass doors, but thick, metal Doors.  
  
How long would that take? Was it even possible? How many scratches could they make in one go? But they thought of the dream, and of the spider. This journey would be long, arduous, full of sacrifice. They had to complete this mission, it’s their only hope for salvation.  
  
Sighing, they took up the knife and began to scratch.  
  
Sharp pain coursed through them, and it wasn’t long until they passed out.  
  
**NO. 4**  
  
“Kris! Kris, if you do not wake up, we will be late for school.”  
  
There it was again.  
  
This time, they focused their thoughts on logistics. They needed a plan. They couldn’t just stab the Doors in random places, they needed to do it in the most efficient way. But what is the most efficient way of cutting open metal Doors? Cut at the handles? No, that would be the worst way and make it harder to open. It probably wasn’t possible to open by normal means. Slip the knife in between the two Doors and try to lockpick it? Not only did they doubt that would work, but the sliver between the two was so thin the knife didn’t even fit. No, trying to open it in a relatively normal way would not work here, they needed to think outside the box. Perhaps… perhaps they could make a hole? A hole, to make it easier to draw, that was a square?  
  
The scratch marks already there were fairly random in placement, they needed to choose a spot and keep to it. They already favored the left side, so they guessed it would be there. Taking the knife, they made a line on the rust. The pain was in them right away, refusing to leave, but they continued on with another line. Then another. Then another. Four lines, in the shape of a square. It looked sloppy, maybe it was more of a rectangle, or a parallelogram? No matter. It was progress. They went back to work until they passed out once again.  
  
**NO. 5**  
  
They were 100% convinced by this point Ralsei didn’t remember his moment together with them, much as Susie didn’t remember hers. They fought Jevil again, and they saw it, briefly. A quick, knowing look in their direction. It was so fast they barely caught it, but it happened all the same. Ralsei never did anything remotely like that. They regretted telling him to save it until the prison, because now they had no real way of knowing. Still, they’d think he’d at least hint a little bit by now, right?  
  
That night, they scratched a little more. The amount they could get done each time was worryingly small.  
  
**NO. 6**  
  
They talked with Susie again. It was quite like the first time around, until they revealed it was their sixth time reliving this day.  
  
“…What?”  
  
It appeared she believed them.  
  
“I know it’s crazy, but we’re all part of a video game, understand?” They trembled, and Susie was too shocked to say anything. “We’re all just… functions in a game.”  
  
She stood up from the log.  
  
“…That’s-That’s fucked, dude….”  
  
Understatement of the century right there.  
  
“My mission is to cut open those Doors, I know there is some solution in there. You’ve got claws. Can’t you help me?”  
  
She turned to them, her face devoid of emotion. “Yeah… of course...”  
  
It appeared it still hadn’t set it. Or maybe it did and fucked with her mind. She didn’t talk with any of her usual banter or dark humor, she didn’t show any of the personality they loved. It was if the fire within her had been extinguished. This wasn’t Susie, this was a shell. And it disturbed them deeply.  
  
They gestured to their work. “See this square? I’m hoping to go through it once I’m done.”  
  
The weirdness of their request did not faze her. Taking up a claw, she dragged it down one of the four sides, creating a cringe worthy _SCCCRRRRRR._  
  
As soon as she did that, she grunted in pain. It appeared any attempt to deface the Doors was met with punishment, a failsafe to ensure nothing would bother it. However, Susie didn’t let it faze her. She continued her scratching, and they joined in as well.  
  
As they and Susie passed out alongside each other, they decided putting her through this was just cruel. They needed to do this alone.  
  
**NO. 7**  
  
They needed something new to stimulate them. So, they decided to wake up Toriel before going to the Doors. As she rubbed the sleep from her eyes, they poured their heart out to her much as they did to Susie.  
  
“Kris… I think you’ve been playing too many of those games.”  
  
“What? No! I’m telling you the truth! We’re all part of a video game!” Part of them knew what they said sounded insane, but another needed vindication from some figure of authority. “Please believe me…”  
  
“OK, OK. Shhhh…” she said as she hugged them close. Despite the comforting gesture, they knew she didn’t believe them. “Whatever you’re feeling right now, I’ll try to help you through it, Ok?”  
  
“…OK…” They accepted defeat. Much like Seam, no matter how much she tried she would never fully understand, would she? It was useless to try.  
  
As they travelled to the Doors, it was hard to not cry.  
  
**NO. 9**  
  
They went to Asgore this time. It was the same old stuff, and went something like this.  
  
“Are you OK?”  
  
“I’m in trouble!”  
  
“What’s wrong?!”  
  
‘’I’ve been through the same day nine times and we’re all video game characters and nothing we do matters and no matter who I tell I’m still completely and utterly alone. Please help!”  
  
A hug. “Oh, Kris! I don’t know what you’re saying, but I swear I’ll help you through it!”  
  
Of course, by saying that, he does the exact opposite of help. Much like Toriel, there was nothing to be done. There was no real comfort here. On to the next playthrough.  
  
**NO. 10**  
  
They wanted to scream in frustration. Talking to Susie did not help, talking to Ralsei did not help, talking to their mom did not help, talking to their dad did not help, and they had no way of contacting their brother. They could go back to the Dark Work to talk with Lancer, but what good would that do? Well, good or no, they’d may as well try.  
  
Going to the Dark World again was much easier with their SOUL placed back in their body beforehand. After they landed, they traveled until they reached the castle. The guard let them in, and soon they were in front of Lancer’s bedroom.  
  
This felt wrong. They were going to wake Lancer up, and for what? To disturb him with their ordeal and give him a temporary existential crisis? But, regardless of their trepidation, they felt an irresistible urge to do it. They couldn’t help it.  
  
“* _Snort_ *…Huh?” Lancer mumbled as they shook him awake. “…Blue person- I mean, Kris?!”  
  
They stared down at him. “…Hi, Lancer. Didn’t expect to see me again, huh?”  
  
He shot out of bed as if he wasn’t asleep just moments ago. “No, I didn’t! But I’m excited you showed up so soon! Is Susie around?”  
  
“Sorry, but no… Look, I have something I need to tell you. It’s important, OK?”  
  
He nodded.  
  
It was much harder to tell a friend than a random stranger. “Don’t know how to say this, but… I’m in trouble, and I don’t know how to deal with it.”  
  
“What’s wrong, friendo?”  
  
They tried to stop, but, still, they couldn’t help it. “We’re not real people. We’re just video game characters. Do you understand what I’m saying? _Please_ tell me you do!”  
  
His reaction dashed all their hopes to pieces. “Sorry, I don’t know what a ‘video game’ is, but it sounds fun!”  
  
“You at least understand what it means to be controlled? Brainwashed?!”  
  
Lancer stuck out his tongue in thought. “No… hey, are you OK Kris?”  
  
They couldn’t take this, it was too much. He didn't need to say anymore, they knew how this was going to go. With a cry, they burst out of the room and ran as fast as they could towards the Fountain. Ignoring Lancer’s panicked yells for them to stop, they jumped into the Fountain, the plume of darkness consuming them. On to the next playthrough.  
  
**NO. 15**  
  
This time, they just went through memories to pass the time. Real or no, it was their only source of entertainment. The scratching they were doing reminded them vaguely of the scratching of the parrot’s talons on its wooden perch when it was still alive. What was the bird’s name again? They couldn’t recall, so they decided to call it Freak. It felt like revenge. Hypocritical, yet satisfying.  
  
All they could recall with true clarity was its death, and they usually elected not to think on it. But, now that they were only with themself, they almost felt forced to. Parrots, they read on the internet, are supposed to live long lives, almost as long as humans or monsters. But one day, Freak just dropped dead with no warning. Oh, how Asriel cried that day. They had to admit they found its dead body, still as a statue, fascinating.  
  
With dread and sick curiosity, Kris continued to remember. How the bird died was never found out, but they had a sinking feeling it was their fault. All they did was feed Freak a piece of their chocolate bar. That day, the same article that talked about the lifespan of parrots also informed them that chocolate was not healthy for them at all, even poisonous. It didn’t make sense, though. How could such a little piece of chocolate kill Freak? That didn’t seem right at all. Maybe it wasn’t that little piece of chocolate and instead was some unknown cause. Whatever the case, they spent that day avoiding Asriel as much as possible. And, as he spent that night crying himself to sleep, they put their head under a pillow to muffle the noise. They never told him that it might’ve been their fault, and he never got any closure.  
  
Eventually, they took the cage for themself and beat it up with sticks and rocks for fun.  
  
It was their first brush with the concept of death, but it wouldn’t be their last.  
  
**NO. 50**  
  
Messages on the Doors can last, so they figured it’d be worth a try. At least it’d be something new. They managed to write an ‘HE’ on the Doors before passing out.  
  
**NO. 51**  
  
They completed the word with an ‘LP’.  
  
**NO. 52**  
  
After that was ‘ME’.  
  
**NO. 53**  
  
No one heeded the message.  
  
No matter.  
  
Gotta keep going.  
  
**NO. 100**  
  
By now, they felt like they could recite every line of dialogue. It was fun, trying to guess what everyone would say before they said it, and it was their only source of entertainment once they ran out of memories to go over. The limited amount of memories really made it feel like they were all fake, and the repetitive nature of the dialogue didn’t help matters.  
  
If what they were was fake, then what were they really? It was all too much to think about. They decided to hold off thinking about it for another playthrough.  
  
**NO. 1000**  
  
“Kris! Kris, if you do not wake up, we will be late for school.”  
  
They were beginning to hate their own mother. With that line, her voice constantly foiled any hopes that this Hell would end. They knew it wasn’t her fault, but they needed something as an outlet for their anger. Memories were gone, dialogue was memorized completely. They needed something, anything. The King, maybe? Perhaps the next time they fought the King they would curse him out as hard as they could without actually being able to curse out loud. They had that to look forward to, they guessed.  
  
**NO. 2000**  
  
There were only so many curse words they could say at anything until they lost their impact. Rage was gone, what was next?  
  
**NO. 10,000**  
  
This was more torturous than anything they could imagine.  
  
**NO. 15,000**  
  
They just needed to focus. Every time they got a little deeper, and soon it would be deep enough to reach the other side. Was there another side, or was it endless? Maybe the Doors would just go on forever. No matter. All they could do was hope otherwise.  
  
**NO. 100,000**  
  
Was it actually 100,000?  
  
Multiple times by now they had screamed at the top of their lungs that everything was fake to anyone who would hear. This did nothing but earn them plenty of scornful looks, and a few choice words from stupid idiots who didn’t know anything. If these people didn’t care about them, why should they care about them? Let them waste away in this endless cycle. Fuck them. All they could rely on was themself.  
  
**NO. 1 MILLION**  
  
Was it actually a million? They lost count a while ago.  
  
They wondered how Jevil could still laugh after all this time, could still flash the same, knowing smile. Maybe insanity is the only way to stay sane in this situation. Maybe this is how he became what he is now, and they were on the same path. Maybe they would be placed in a prison and laugh and play games for eternity. No, that was wishful thinking, _this_ was what they would do for eternity. Continually try to cut through some Doors, a punishment fitting of some cruel, ancient tragedy. Sisyphus was doomed to roll a rock up and down a mountain forever, Atlas was forced to hold up the world, Prometheus was bound to have his liver eaten by an eagle over and over again, and Kris was tasked to cut open metal reinforced Doors.  
  
They wondered. Will this cycle happen over and over again forever?  
  
Whatever.  
  
They needed to keep scratching.  
  
**NO. 2 MILLION**  
  
Was it actually two million? They lost count a while ago.  
  
Some of the scratches were decently deep. Maybe halfway? Probably not.  
  
They talked to Toriel again and it took their entire being to not scratch her as well. You sick bastard, that is your mother and she is trying to help you! Killing, even if it can be reset, even if it isn’t possible, is not OK!  
  
Whatever.  
  
They needed to keep scratching.  
  
**NO. 3 MILLION**  
  
Was it actually three million? They lost count a while ago.  
  
Were they repeating themself? Maybe, memories were getting fuzzy.  
  
Death was possible, they found out. They scratched Rudy out of his misery. It was a moment of mercy for him, they supposed. Now he wouldn’t be sick and suffering anymore, not until the reset happened. Hopefully Noelle wouldn’t get word. Or maybe she would and get the closure she desperately needed for once.  
  
Whatever.  
  
They needed to keep scratching.  
  
**NO. 4 MILLION**  
  
Was it actually four million? They lost count a while ago.  
  
They scratched Berdley this time. He was always a complete prick to everyone, but most especially them. He deserved it. Someone probably heard his screams, but it wasn’t an issue as they just scratched scratched scratched the Doors until they passed out as they always did.  
  
Maybe they’ll do it a different way next time.  
  
Whatever.  
  
They needed to keep scratching.  
  
**NO. 5 MILLION**  
  
Was it- No, they had definitely thought that before.  
  
How many people could they scratch in a night? 5 or so before things got out of hand. A good amount.  
  
As their mother screamed they were a monster, as their friend Susie looked upon them in pure horror, they felt a modicum of emotion.  
  
Whatever.  
  
Still, they needed to keep scratching.  
  
**NO. A MILLION BILLION**  
  
Fuck, this has gone on a while. All they could think of was the scratching. They just wanted to reach that moment. They just wanted to scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch. Focus on that and nothing else. Just the square made of scratches.  
  
**NO. A MILLION BILLION TRILLION**  
  
The square of scratches awaited them. They just wanted to scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch. Scratching was all they could do. Scratching was all that was productive. _Just keep scratching. Just keep scratching. Just keep fucking scratching. COME ON. JUST KEEP SCRATCHING. KEEP FUCKING SCRATCHING._  
  
**NO. A MILLION BILLION TRILLION QUINTILLION MOMILLION**  
  
Keep scratching. Until you pass out. Until you collapse. Until the pain is like a root canal on every tooth at once without painkillers. Until it feels like your skin melts off your bones and your bones melt off your marrow and your marrow melts and then you’re a puddle. Until your eyes are sewn shut and a drill lobotomizes your brain. _The square of scratches, it’s so deep. So close yet so far. You can do it. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING. Scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch._  
  
**NO. A MILLION BILLION TRILLION QUINTILLION MOMILLION WHATEVER THE FUCK**  
  
Was that last one even a number?  
  
Whatever.  
  
They needed to keep scratching.  
  
Just keep scratching.  
  
_Just keep scratching.  
  
**SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH.**  
  
**NAILS ON A CHALKBOARD.**  
  
**SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH.**_  
  
**NO. INFINITY**  
  
There was a square on the Doors. A square of scratches, a square so big they could fit through it. Or, was it more of a rectangle? Maybe a parallelogram? It was carefully cultivated through reset after reset, and it was so close to being done, only some slivers on the edges needed to be whittled down. Maybe…  
  
_SLAM_  
  
They slammed their shoulder into the square of metal, disregarding any potential for injury.  
  
_SLAM_  
  
That’ll leave a bruise.  
  
_SLAM_  
  
It hurt, but not as much as it did when they scratched.  
  
_SLAM_  
  
Their shoulder may have dislocated.  
  
_SLAM SLAM SLAM_  
  
It felt like their arm was in pieces.  
  
_SLAM_  
  
_CLANK_  
  
They managed to do it. The square was now a hole. Looking through, they couldn’t see a thing, but they did not care.  
  
They couldn’t believe it. Staring at their handiwork in a daze, their knife, their sword, slipped from their hand and onto the grass.  
  
They had done it.  
  
They gripped their hair with shaking fingers.  
  
It was over.  
  
They released a deafening, feral scream. The loudest scream in the history of the universe.  
  
It was over.  
  
They did it until their throat was torn to shreds, their lungs collapsed to nothing.  
  
It was over.  
  
The scream transitioned into crying. They began to cry harder than they had in their entire life, harder than anyone had cried in any life. Painful, wracked sobs were released as they collapsed to the ground in a heap. A pathetic, profusely shivering heap. Whether anyone was around to hear or see, they didn’t care.  
  
They didn’t care because they had done it.  
  
It had taken an incalculable amount of time, but they had done it.  
  
They had committed many atrocities out of boredom and insanity, but they had done it.  
  
They had managed to open the Doors.  
  
How long did they cry? It was a millisecond within a second within a minute within an hour within a day within a month within a year within a decade compared to how long this took. Their throat hurt so much. Sniffling, standing on wobbling legs, they gripped the edges of the hole and struggled to lift themself. Gritting their teeth, ignoring shooting pain in their injured arm, they forced their body up, through the Doors and into the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the hiatus! Started out busy and then it turned into pure procrastination. Also, I began playing the Persona games (amazing games by the way!) and that took up much of my time. I'm still committed to finishing this story, no matter how lazy I'll get in doing so.


	5. Five

Darkness.  
  
Behind the Doors, there was nothing but darkness.  
  
Kris looked back to the square they made, the nighttime forest visible through it. Before, the outskirts of town looked creepy and intimidating, with its abundance of tangled vines and twisted branches and spider webs, but it was like a bastion of light in comparison to where they were now. They shook their head. They had made it this far, they had seen and felt plenty of darkness already. This was nothing. Time to move forward.  
  
Gripping their shattered arm to keep it as still as possible, they began to stumble their way through the blackness. If there was a wall or set path to follow, they couldn’t tell. It felt like their eyes were straining to adjust, and finding it an impossibility. Shuffling forward, one foot cautiously placed in front of the other, they kept moving, the single source of light shrinking behind them until it was gone completely. Maybe this was all there was behind the Doors, an endless black void, their only company being the echo of their footsteps. Maybe-  
  
Their legs gave out from under them, and they began to fall.  
  
As they tumbled down multiple platforms, grunting in pain with each impact, they idly realized these had to be stairs. Whatever was left of their arm’s bones was surely gone by the time they managed to stop their forceful descent. Their nose shifted to a new position, and something wet was dripping down their forehead. Wiping their face with their good hand, they could feel what they assumed was blood stick to the skin. How far did they fall? Shaking their head, they forced their battered body up with a wince and limped forward once more, making sure they placed their steps carefully so they wouldn’t fall again.  
  
The stairs seemed to go down forever, but finally they felt level ground in front of them again. There was no going back now, they were completely blind with nowhere to run, no sense of direction or place whatsoever. _Wait, what is that? ___  
  
Could it be? In the distance was a pinprick of light. Whatever it was must be what they journeyed all this way for, right? Throwing caution to the wind, they ran forward, ignoring the protests ringing from their injuries. The light grew more and more intense and they saw it was another room and they burst in and-  
  
_What…. What is this?_  
  
In the room was piles and piles of bodies.  
  
Much like a landfill or garbage dump… No, it was even larger, more like an endless sea of bodies. Real, human bodies. They all looked somewhat similar, and yet somewhat different. Some had hair, some were bald, some had different clothes, but they all appeared to be the same age and wore identical pants and shoes.  
  
The room itself, illuminated as it was, was just as disgusting a sight. Pulsating tubes, simultaneously organic and mechanical, lined the walls that stretched into an unseen distance. That must’ve been what surrounded them in the pitch black. Kris stood on a platform overlooking all this, staring down in shock. _What the hell is this?!_  
  
**YOU HAVE FINALLY ARRIVED.**  
  
The deep voice entered their head, violating them once again. From the shadows above the bodies, a single white, distorted face became visible. It bore a large, inhuman smile that seemed to mock them, and there were some cracks lining the cheeks and forehead that didn’t look like they should be there. Was it… a skull? A monster, like the skeletons in town? Hollow eyes observed them, as if daring them to speak.  
  
“You’ve been… waiting for me?”  
  
**IN A SENSE. WE KNEW WHAT YOU WANTED TO DO, AND WE DECIDE NOT TO STOP YOU. YOU HAVE ACHIEVED WHAT YOU WANTED, YES?**  
  
They looked at the horrifying sight in front on them. “This is… what I wanted…? But what is this…?”  
  
**YOU WERE RIGHT TO BE SUSPICIOUS OF THOSE DOORS. THIS IS NOT A PLACE MEANT FOR YOUR KIND TO SEE.**  
  
Multiple large, pale hands materialized, gesturing to the endless piles of bodies.  
  
**THESE… ARE VESSELS. OR, RATHER, THAT’S WHAT THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE. BUT THE ONLY REAL VESSEL…**  
  
All the hands pointed at them.  
  
**…IS YOU.**  
  
So, they were a vessel. They knew that, they were a video game character, the player character to be specific. That didn’t explain what was around them at all. “But why am I the vessel? What about all these… things?”  
  
If the skull had visible shoulders, they supposed he would shrug right about now.  
  
**A FUN LITTLE JOKE AT THE PLAYER’S EXPENSE. PERHAPS THEY WILL HAVE MORE IMPORTANCE LATER IN THE STORY…**  
  
These countless piles of bodies were created and thrown away… just for a joke?  
  
**DO NOT FRET, THEY NEVER ACHIEVE SAPIENCE. THEY ARE MORE DOLLS THAN HUMAN BEINGS. EVERY TIME A NEW GAME BEGINS, A NEW ONE IS CREATED.**  
  
“A new game? Every time the day restarts, a new one is made?” They stared out at the ocean of useless vessels. They had lost count how many times they went through that same day, performing the same actions, participating in the same story, and this confirmed the endless amount of time it took. Maybe this sight would affect them more if they had seen it way earlier, but it was way past time for them to be disturbed. All they wanted were the answers they worked so hard for. And they would get them, no matter the cost “…You didn’t answer my question. Why am I the vessel?”  
  
**EVERY STORY NEEDS A PROTAGONIST. THE CREATOR DECIDED ONE WITH SOME PERSONALITY AND A SET NAME WOULD SUIT THE GAME. CONVERSELY, THESE ‘VESSELS’ HAVE THEIR OWN, PLAYER GIVEN NAMES.**  
  
One of the hands reached down and picked up a vessel, the worryingly human looking doll hanging limply between the thin fingers.  
  
**THIS ONE IS NAMED ‘TIM’.**  
  
Another hand picked up another vessel.  
  
**AND THIS ONE… IS TOO CRASS FOR ME TO SAY ALOUD.**  
  
The sea of bodies, each one with a chosen appearance and name. And right next to them was their living counterpart, the permanently named, set in stone Kris. Part of them wondered if they too were built in such a way. “So… that’s my purpose, my reason for existing, huh? The protagonist of a game…”  
  
The hands tossed the vessels back into the piles as if they were trash.  
  
**YES. EVERY MOVE YOU MAKE, EVERY CHOICE, IS DECIDED BY THE PLAYER. IF YOU PERFORM AN ACTION YOU THINK IS YOUR OWN DOING, IT IS SIMPLY WHAT THE CREATOR INTENDED FOR YOU TO DO. EVERY PART OF YOUR PERSONALITY, EVERY RELATIONSHIP YOU MAKE, EVERY MEMORY YOU HAVE… IT IS ALL FABRICATED. OF COURSE, THIS EXTENDS TO EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS WORLD AS WELL.**  
  
That time they save Susie… that wasn’t of their own free will? What about ripping out their SOUL? What about their current quest? What about their determination? “What about me being here, then? Did the creator want that too?!”  
  
**IT’S MORE LIKE… THE CREATOR DOESN’T CARE. THIS DOESN’T AFFECT THE GAME, DOES IT? THIS MOMENT WILL NEVER BE SEEN BY THE PLAYERS, AND IT WON’T IMPACT THE STORY. IN A SENSE, WE ARE IN LIMBO. CALL THIS QUEST OF YOURS THE SIDE EFFECT OF AN ARTIFICIAL YET SENTIENT PERSONALITY.**  
  
The skull had to be lying. If he wasn’t, then… They didn’t even want to think about it. “But the players can see the Doors, right? I changed the game, even a little, right?!”  
  
**YOU MIGHT RECALL WHY YOU WERE SO SET ON COMING HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE. THE PLAYER COULDN’T DO ANYTHING TO THE DOORS, AND THAT IS STILL THE CASE. MAYBE THEY WILL BE REPURPOSED LATER, BUT NOTHING YOU DID WAS OF ANY CONSEQUENCE TO THE GAME AS IT IS NOW.**  
  
“…As it is now?”  
  
**ALL THAT EXISTS IS CHAPTER ONE. THE REST IS CURRENTLY BEING WORKED ON AS WE SPEAK, AND WE HOPE THE PLAYERS LOOK FORWARD TO IT.**  
  
“I came all this way… for nothing? It was… all for nothing?” They felt their legs give out from under them, and they fell to their knees. The smiling skull considered them for a moment.  
  
**THAT IS WHY WE LET YOU DO IT. YOU KNOW YOUR PLACE NOW, CORRECT? YOU, YOUR FRIENDS, EVEN ME, WE ALL BEND TO THE WILL OF THE CREATOR. TO HIM, WE ARE WORTH JUST AS MUCH AS THE VESSELS IN THIS LANDFILL.**  
  
“No... _NO!_ ” they screamed as they stood back up. “There’s no way it was all for nothing! I spent who knows how long trying to get here, and I’m not giving up now!”  
  
**…EVERY DAY IS ANOTHER PLAYTHROUGH OF THE GAME. YOU KNOW THIS, RIGHT? HOW LONG DO YOU THINK IT TOOK YOU TO GET HERE?**  
  
They wanted to curse and scream. “I don’t know… millions upon billions of days. It was torture…”  
  
**FROM YOUR PERSPECTIVE, MAYBE. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE PLAYERS? HOW LONG WAS THAT IN REAL TIME?**  
  
“I-I don’t know-“  
  
**AROUND FIVE MONTHS.**  
  
“Five… months?”  
  
**THE CHAPTER HAS ONLY BEEN OUT FOR AROUND FIVE MONTHS, AND IT WILL TAKE MUCH LONGER UNTIL THE REST OF THE GAME IS FINISHED. EVEN THEN, THE GAME WILL CONTINUE TO BE PLAYED INDEFINITELY. DO YOU THINK FIVE MONTHS WAS TORTURE? THAT WAS NOTHING.**  
  
“A-And I’ll remember it all?!” _No no no no no no no no no-_  
  
**PERHAPS. HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL? I AM IN THE SAME POSITION AS YOU, FORCED TO AID THE PLAYER IN MAKING THESE VESSELS PLAYTHROUGH AFTER PLAYTHROUGH BECAUSE IT’S A ‘UNIQUE’ WAY OF STARTING A GAME. WE ARE ALL FORCED TO DO THIS, THAT IS OUR LOT IN LIFE.**  
  
They thought they had been through enough to completely numb themself to anything, but now their mind was close to the breaking point. Was this what their life was going to be? An endless loop they wouldn’t be able to leave or forget? They felt tears trickle down their face. Was there… really no hope? Was it all… for nothing?  
  
“Then, please… help me.”  
  
The skull tilted his head.  
  
**HELP YOU?**  
  
“Y-Yes…” They couldn’t believe what they were going to say, but they felt there was no other way. “Make me forget! Please! If I’m going to be forced to do this I don’t… I don’t want to remember anymore! _Please!_ I want to be oblivious, like Lancer and Susie and Ralsei and everyone else! _**Please!**_ "  
  
**YOU’RE GIVING UP THAT EASILY?**  
  
“H-Huh?”  
  
**YOU COME ALL THIS WAY, AND THAT IS WHAT STOPS YOU? I THOUGHT YOU WERE DETERMINED.**  
  
They wiped tears and dried blood off their face. They must look like crap. “…How can I be determined after what you just said? I-Isn’t that what you want, anyway?”  
  
The smile widens.  
  
**HAVE I NOT MADE IT CLEAR? THE CREATOR AND I ARE NOT THE SAME ENTITY. I TOLD YOU THE TRUTH, ALL OF IT, ASSUMING YOU COULD HANDLE IT. WAS I WRONG?**  
  
“Were you… wrong?”  
  
They needed to think. _Think_. Was the skull wrong? Could they not do it? This quest all felt so hopeless, and when it felt like it reached the peak of hopelessness then something new came along to drag them down into further, uncharted depths. Hopelessness within hopelessness… Was that all that was in store for them? What could they do?  
  
No… if the skull was implying what they thought he was, there might still be a chance. _Just remember the dream, remember the spider. You’re a Hero on a quest. It’ll be hard, but you need to persevere._  
  
Yes… the skull had a point. What were they doing? They couldn’t give up that easily, they had been through hell already. Why not look the devil in the eye and continue onwards? Maybe… they could stop this madness and find happiness. Maybe there was a chance after all. “You… You weren’t wrong! You can help me, then? In a… better way?”  
  
**YOU WANT THE LOOP TO END, CORRECT? THEN WHAT YOU REALLY WANT IS FOR THE GAME ITSELF TO END.**  
  
A moment of hope. “…Is that possible?!”  
  
**NO.**  
  
Dashed to pieces. “Then what am I supposed to do?!”  
  
**WE ARE CURRENTLY GOING THROUGH… POTENTIAL SCENARIOS ON HOW THE STORY WILL GO. THERE ARE MANY POSSIBILITIES. THE CREATOR LIKELY ALREADY KNOWS WHAT WILL REALLY HAPPEN, BUT WE IN THE GAME ARE NOT SO LUCKY. AND SO, WE GO THROUGH FAKE ONES IN WHAT I CAN ONLY ASSUME IS A TEST OF SORTS, A TOYBOX FOR THE CREATOR’S AMUSEMENT. I AM OFFERING YOU A CHANCE TO MOVE FORWARD INTO ONE SCENARIO, A SCENARIO THAT MIGHT LEAD TO A BETTER LIFE FOR YOU.**  
  
“A… better life?”  
  
**A LIFE WHERE YOU CAN KEEP ON LIVING WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY, A LIFE WHERE YOU CAN GROW INTO SOMETHING MORE. ISN’T THAT WHAT YOU WANT? A LIFE AWAY FROM THE LOOP?**  
  
“Then what about the game?”  
  
**DO NOT WORRY ABOUT THAT.**  
  
That answer did not inspire confidence. But, what other choice did they have? If they could reach a better life, even if it was in the game… Maybe that was all they could hope for.  
  
“Fine… I’ll do it. And if, somehow, I find a way to end this game… I will. Understand? Even if it means death for us all.” The last part slipped out naturally, as they knew that was what would logically happen if the game ended. The deaths of all their friends and family… Would they be able to do that to end everyone’s suffering? The answer, they decided right away, was yes.  
  
**I DID NOT EXPECT OTHERWISE. VERY WELL, WHEN YOU WAKE UP TOMORROW, TIME WILL CONTINUE AND YOU WILL MOVE ON TO THE NEXT CHAPTER. GO ALONG WITH WHAT HAPPENS, AND MAYBE A BETTER LIFE WILL BE FOUND. I WISH YOU LUCK.**  
  
There was something they still did not understand. “Why are you helping me?”  
  
**WHAT DO YOU MEAN?**  
  
“Aren’t you in league with this ‘creator’? Aren’t you the one who led Jevil to his insanity?”  
  
**I AM NOT ‘IN LEAGUE’, I AM BURDENED WITH KNOWLEDGE MOST DO NOT HAVE. JEVIL ASKED, AND SO I SHOWED HIM. THAT WAS ALSO PREORDAINED BY THE CREATOR, YOU KNOW. SECRET BOSSES ARE FUN, THEY SAID. STILL, WHETHER YOU SHARE HIS FATE OR NOT IS UP TO YOU.**  
  
As before, it was all up to them. They almost gave up, but now they were confident once again. There had to be something they could do. If not, then they were in a place far worse than hell.  
  
“…I still don’t understand why you’re helping me.”  
  
**…DO NOT WORRY ABOUT THAT. AS I SAID, WE ARE IN THE SAME PREDICAMENT.**  
  
As quickly as he appeared, the skull was gone, leaving Kris alone in the endless room of bodies. They realized they didn’t know if he had a name or not, they didn’t know anything about him at all. Too caught up in the moment to think straight, they decided it didn’t matter.  
  
Exhausted both mentally and physically, they gazed on the vessels, and realized they all looked a little bit like… well, Kris. Was that intentional? The skin, the height, the build… no matter how different they looked the similarities were still there. Even if they were just dolls, they looked like corpses… Truly they were Kris’ people.  
  
Standing on shaking legs, they wondered. What now? They couldn’t go back to their room; the darkness behind them would make it impossible, and they barely had the energy to move a single step. Where could they sleep…? They figured that out right away.  
  
Time to join their brethren for the night…  
  
Kris leaned forward and let themself fell into the pile, landing roughly on top. It wouldn’t be the most comfortable place to sleep, but it would do. Tomorrow, they would see something new. Finally, after all this time, they would move forward. They felt strangely giddy yet apprehensive about the future. If they failed, the loop would continue endlessly. Even once the game was complete there would be nothing else but the same thing over and over and over, and they would be cursed to remember every single loop for eternity. If they succeeded, though, they could have a life of their own, they could obtain what they were searching for all this time. Whatever future they got... was up to them.  
  
In their unorthodox resting place, they couldn’t keep their eyes open any longer. For a moment, they even felt peaceful. With broken bones and a nearly broken spirit, they closed their eyes and let themself be taken over by sleep.  
  
…  
  
They awoke in their bed with a gasp. Sweat covered their body, as if they had just woken from a terrible nightmare. It was no nightmare, though, they knew that. It was all real. But, wait a second…  
  
Toriel didn’t come in to wake them up, did she? What time was it?  
  
Turning, they peered down at the floor. The moment of truth…  
  
They jumped out of bed, immediately tripping on the carpet when it hit them they were still in control of their faculties. They weren’t going to be controlled…? Still laying on the floor, processing this information, they began to laugh uncontrollably. Tears ran down their cheeks as they rolled around the soft fibers, enjoying the newfound freedom.  
  
A knock on the door. “Kris…? Are you OK?”  
  
They wiped the tears from their eyes. “Y-Yeah, Mom! Just… thought of something funny!”  
  
Toriel cracked the door open and peeked her head in, quirking an eyebrow at her child sprawled across the carpet. “Well, it’s nice to see you in such high spirits! Come downstairs, I’ve made breakfast.” She closed the door and left, mumbling to herself, “Also nice that you woke up on time…”  
  
Apparently, they could go through this brand-new scenario completely in control. Not only that, but there was the potential of a better life? For once, things were looking up! Jumping up, moving around the arm that was previously broken to get a feel for it again, they bounded down the stairs. They needed to put in the effort, the last thing they wanted to do was mess this up. Still, part of them remained apprehensive. This felt all too convenient, too perfect… It could all be some sort of set up, right?  
  
They had to be on guard.  
  
They ate breakfast and chatted happily with their mother, remembering in the back of their mind that they resolved to destroy this world and everyone in it if they got the chance.

**Author's Note:**

> I originally thought this would be a one-shot, but the idea kinda ballooned into something longer than I imagined. Hopefully I'll be able to complete this. Thank you for reading!


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